Jipgofhamfen is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, tranquil naga.

Jipgofhamfen created energy five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jipgofhamfen, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Jipgofhamfen, it will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Jipgofhamfen's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Jipgofhamfen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not skip in public.

2. Never gather four goats in one place.

3. Jipgofhamfen loves otters, so they must be honoured.

4. Do not place cucumbers upon stone.

5. Never mix tomatoes with blood.