Yarpfatnul is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, slow gerbil.

Yarpfatnul created the Andromeda Galaxy eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarpfatnul, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Yarpfatnul, she will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Yarpfatnul's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Yarpfatnul's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear titanium on your body.

2. Always make sure there are no monkeys in a building before entering it.

3. Always store onions above ground.

4. Always act with patience when addressing strangers.

5. Yarpfatnul loves rats, so they must be honoured.