Bumstipstaf is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, smart cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Bumstipstaf created the Andromeda Galaxy eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bumstipstaf, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Bumstipstaf, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Bumstipstaf's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Bumstipstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never jump in spring.

2. Never adorn your head with red markings.

3. Do not trade with those who eat grapes.

4. Always make sure there are no sharks in a room before entering it.

5. Do not fashion tools from lead.