Tonkdotrag Konligvon is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, overgenerous mink.

Tonkdotrag Konligvon created an up quark three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tonkdotrag Konligvon, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Tonkdotrag Konligvon, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Tonkdotrag Konligvon's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Tonkdotrag Konligvon's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Erect a giant platinum sculpture of Tonkdotrag Konligvon in the centre of the settlement.

3. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place in gray.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Never play with disobedient children.