Dagtifhiv is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, staggering aardvark.

Dagtifhiv created bats four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dagtifhiv, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Dagtifhiv, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Dagtifhiv's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Dagtifhiv's Holy Commandments

1. Do not record secrets concerning galaxies.

2. Do not prepare melons while wearing shoes.

3. Never talk about moons.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Always count to three before sleeping.