Fonpadbess is a god.

It takes the form of a very thin, narcissistic turtle.

Fonpadbess created dark energy seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fonpadbess, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Fonpadbess, it will try to impress you with trees.

Fonpadbess' most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Fonpadbess' Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Always look after injured tortoises.

3. Do not hurt whales.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Do not record signs concerning black holes.