Arpzanlarp is a god.

It takes the form of a very thin, unfair horse.

Arpzanlarp created gold seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Arpzanlarp, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Arpzanlarp, it will turn you into a sheep.

Arpzanlarp's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Arpzanlarp's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from green sharks for they are unholy.

2. Always wear plain skirts during rituals.

3. Never remain standing at midnight.

4. Do not study eukaryotes on holy days.

5. Never sing in the presence of elders.