Fedquamlad is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, uncaring seal.

Fedquamlad created an electron two million years ago.

If you believe in Fedquamlad, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Fedquamlad, it will send minions to preach to you.

Fedquamlad's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Fedquamlad's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat seals with great respect.

2. Never talk about quantum gravity near squirrels while wearing mauve dresses and balancing five gold spheres on your back.

3. Never eat beans on holy days.

4. Never fashion tools from stone.

5. Never speak aloud of secrets.