Shavquim is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, boastful seal.

Shavquim created the Andromeda Galaxy five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Shavquim, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Shavquim, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Shavquim's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Shavquim's Holy Commandments

1. Never handle nickel while unclean.

2. Always wear orange.

3. Never laugh in spring.

4. Never talk about thermodynamics near gulls while wearing black boots.

5. Never eat figs on days of mourning.