Japhontabing is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, merciless shrew.

Japhontabing created a charm quark seven million years ago.

If you believe in Japhontabing, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Japhontabing, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Japhontabing's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Japhontabing's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat limes.

2. Do not study enzymes on holy days.

3. Never record signs.

4. Never allow tapirs to sleep beneath your roof.

5. Never stain your face with fawn.