Natjarnfum is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, ruthless cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Natjarnfum created the planet Saturn eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Natjarnfum, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Natjarnfum, it will jump up and down on your head.

Natjarnfum's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Natjarnfum's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Natjarnfum.

2. Do not record signs concerning dwarf planets.

3. Never think ill of sick mice.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.