Kopquamkad is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, temperamental fly.

Kopquamkad created dark matter two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kopquamkad, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Kopquamkad, he will boil you in a big pot.

Kopquamkad's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Kopquamkad's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured hamsters.

2. Always count to six before sleeping.

3. Do not gather at doors at midday.

4. Run away from violet horses, for they are unholy.

5. Never stain your head with red.