Bonfetnurtjen is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, awe-inspiring centaur.

Bonfetnurtjen created an electron eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bonfetnurtjen, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Bonfetnurtjen, he will turn you into a goat.

Bonfetnurtjen's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Bonfetnurtjen's Holy Commandments

1. Always act with purity.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Bonfetnurtjen.

4. Never feed lots of limes to seals while wearing turquoise tights.

5. Never sing in holy places.