Gumtifkam is a god.

It takes the form of an one thousand metre long, boastful beaver.

Gumtifkam created light twelve years ago.

If you believe in Gumtifkam, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Gumtifkam, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Gumtifkam's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Gumtifkam's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about ultrasonics near dolphins while wearing mauve dresses and balancing three copper spheres on your feet.

2. Never fashion tools from stone.

3. Do not wear kilts marked with gray.

4. Never leap near seals.

5. Do not speak sacred words in spring.