Yarpnulldum is a god.

It takes the form of a very thin, grumpy crocodile.

Yarpnulldum created gold two billion years ago.

If you believe in Yarpnulldum, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Yarpnulldum, it will remove you from existence.

Yarpnulldum's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Yarpnulldum's Holy Commandments

1. Erect nine platinum sculptures of Yarpnulldum on top of important buildings.

2. Do not prepare bananas while wearing coats.

3. Always help ants in need.

4. Run away from mauve otters, for they are unholy.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate monkeys.