Nibyarlyik is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, dishonest narwhal.

Nibyarlyik created the universe seven million years ago.

If you believe in Nibyarlyik, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Nibyarlyik, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Nibyarlyik's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Nibyarlyik's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Never talk about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

3. Do not contemplate electromagnetism during the night.

4. Never talk about nebulae.

5. Do not prepare garlic while filled with joy.