Yogvadteen is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, calm bat.

Yogvadteen created matter eight million years ago.

If you believe in Yogvadteen, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Yogvadteen, she will torture you forever.

Yogvadteen's most sacred site is Manna in Greece.

Yogvadteen's Holy Commandments

1. Never touch oil while blessed.

2. Never speak at midday.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Yogvadteen.

4. Never speak aloud of secrets.

5. Never allow shrews to sleep beneath your roof.