Kimdissneg is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, prudent beaver.

Kimdissneg created an atom three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kimdissneg, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Kimdissneg, she will turn you into a hamster.

Kimdissneg's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Kimdissneg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not count beyond seven during ceremonies.

2. Always treat birds with great respect.

3. Never speak at dusk.

4. Do not speak about apples.

5. Never eat strawberries on fasting days.