Cuss Wigcenbotflig is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, charitable snail.

Cuss Wigcenbotflig created the Sun four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cuss Wigcenbotflig, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Cuss Wigcenbotflig, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Cuss Wigcenbotflig's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Cuss Wigcenbotflig's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear plain shorts during rituals.

2. Never wear magenta corsets.

3. Never think about spacetime near gulls while wearing black skirts and balancing nine zinc spheres on your back.

4. Always make sure there are no dogs in a building before entering it.

5. Never pour water over plants.