Xuckartbonk Larpjapcut Baplib is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, thoughtless gorilla.

Xuckartbonk Larpjapcut Baplib created the cosmos two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Xuckartbonk Larpjapcut Baplib, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Xuckartbonk Larpjapcut Baplib, it will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Xuckartbonk Larpjapcut Baplib's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Xuckartbonk Larpjapcut Baplib's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about dark matter near sheep while wearing fawn corsets and balancing eight nickel spheres on your feet.

2. Put Xuckartbonk Larpjapcut Baplib first in all things.

3. Always make sure there are no hamsters in a building before entering it.

4. Do not prepare lentils while filled with joy.

5. You must love Xuckartbonk Larpjapcut Baplib.