Miltamdam is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, thoughtless hummingbird.

Miltamdam created the planet Venus six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Miltamdam, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Miltamdam, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Miltamdam's most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Miltamdam's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Do not chant in public.

3. Never talk about optics near squirrels while wearing brown kilts and balancing nine iron spheres on your feet.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. You must never eat coconuts.