Sabbigwapquag is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, generous dugong.

Sabbigwapquag created carbon seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Sabbigwapquag, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Sabbigwapquag, he will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Sabbigwapquag's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Sabbigwapquag's Holy Commandments

1. Never curse while facing north.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Never discuss enzymes in public assemblies.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Always wash your neck before prayer.