Kemartlak is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, effective fox.

Kemartlak created Europe eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kemartlak, she will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Kemartlak, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Kemartlak's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Kemartlak's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Never talk about thermodynamics near dolphins while wearing magenta skirts and balancing nine lead spheres on your chest.

3. Never sing in the presence of sheep.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Do not wear shorts marked with purple.