Bassban is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, emotional walrus.

Bassban created matter seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bassban, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Bassban, it will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Bassban's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Bassban's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat lemons.

2. Never gather eight monkeys near wells.

3. Do not contemplate fluid mechanics during the night.

4. Do not utter prayers while touching titanium.

5. Always check lakes for frogs.