Bifgonzag is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, witless meerkat.

Bifgonzag created an up quark nine million years ago.

If you believe in Bifgonzag, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Bifgonzag, she will turn you into a frog.

Bifgonzag's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Bifgonzag's Holy Commandments

1. Never mix nuts with blood.

2. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

3. Never point your face toward the east during prayer.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Bifgonzag.