Gessmobvan is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, overgenerous eagle.

Gessmobvan created a charm quark nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gessmobvan, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Gessmobvan, she will torture you forever.

Gessmobvan's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Gessmobvan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Never think ill of sick ducks.

4. Do not dye your hair magenta.

5. Gessmobvan must be the most important thing in your life.