Kabhonbafhun is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, moody monkey.

Kabhonbafhun created the cosmos three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kabhonbafhun, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Kabhonbafhun, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Kabhonbafhun's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Kabhonbafhun's Holy Commandments

1. Learn six new languages a year.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate hamsters.

3. Kabhonbafhun loves tortoises, so they must be respected.

4. Never gather three whales near bridges.

5. Do not speak sacred words in autumn.