Labzentam is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, effective elephant.

Labzentam created the planet Mars eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Labzentam, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Labzentam, it will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Labzentam's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Labzentam's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Never speak the names of stars aloud.

3. Always wear blue.

4. Erect a giant iron sculpture of Labzentam in the centre of the settlement.

5. Respect your elders.