Veenwod is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, omnipotent rhinoceros.

Veenwod created the planet Jupiter eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Veenwod, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Veenwod, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Veenwod's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Veenwod's Holy Commandments

1. Always act with purity.

2. Never talk about ultrasonics near geese while wearing black coats.

3. Never touch ash while blessed.

4. Do not prepare lemons while filled with joy.

5. Always pray immersed in water.