Loopmiftam is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, confident human.

Loopmiftam created a quark seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Loopmiftam, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Loopmiftam, he will turn you into a sheep.

Loopmiftam's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Loopmiftam's Holy Commandments

1. Erect eight nickel sculptures of Loopmiftam on top of important buildings.

2. Do not drink water in violet rooms.

3. Remain prostrate during prayer.

4. Never think about quantum mechanics near cats while wearing fawn boots and balancing three zinc spheres on your feet.

5. Always maintain purity during holy days.