Tikstannurt is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, sage gerbil.

Tikstannurt created snails nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tikstannurt, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Tikstannurt, he will turn you into a slug.

Tikstannurt's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Tikstannurt's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Do not prepare peas while wearing shoes.

3. Always help sick birds.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Do not speak about cucumbers.