Kapontgud is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, ruthless mole.

Kapontgud created Europe five million years ago.

If you believe in Kapontgud, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Kapontgud, it will make you grow a tail.

Kapontgud's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Kapontgud's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Kapontgud's priests.

2. Never discuss evolution by means of natural selection in public assemblies.

3. Do not prepare garlic while wearing shorts.

4. Never mark doors with violet.

5. Never write about cell theory.