Yarzennulcud is a god.

She takes the form of a small, conceited narwhal.

Yarzennulcud created the universe nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarzennulcud, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Yarzennulcud, she will turn you into a hamster.

Yarzennulcud's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Yarzennulcud's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of melons to bats while wearing purple tights.

2. Yarzennulcud must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Worship no other gods but Yarzennulcud.

4. Erect four nickel sculptures of Yarzennulcud on top of important buildings.

5. Do not gather at towers at midday.