Sittim is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, tiresome dugong.

Sittim created energy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Sittim, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Sittim, she will turn you into a frog.

Sittim's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Sittim's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Never allow doves to sleep beneath your roof.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Do not speak about corn.

5. Never think about the weak nuclear force near seals while wearing brown tights and balancing four copper spheres on your arms.