Veenlapcan is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, fast skunk.

Veenlapcan created tapeworms five million years ago.

If you believe in Veenlapcan, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Veenlapcan, he will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Veenlapcan's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Veenlapcan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about spinach.

2. Never wear trousers.

3. Remain kneeling during prayer.

4. Never touch blood while tainted.

5. Run away if five dogs approach from the south.