Quatfunyok is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, moody pigeon.

Quatfunyok created the planet Saturn eight million years ago.

If you believe in Quatfunyok, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Quatfunyok, he will not care.

Quatfunyok's most sacred site is Pontelandolfo in Italy.

Quatfunyok's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at planets.

2. Cats are not to be trusted.

3. Never feed lots of gooseberries to sharks while wearing mauve rings.

4. Do not fashion sacred items from stone.

5. Never travel toward the west during spring.