Hatlenhom Jigbonlit is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, staggering bat.

Hatlenhom Jigbonlit created a down quark six billion years ago.

If you believe in Hatlenhom Jigbonlit, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Hatlenhom Jigbonlit, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Hatlenhom Jigbonlit's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Hatlenhom Jigbonlit's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. You must never eat cherries.

3. Heed all dreams.

4. Never mark doors with yellow.

5. Always make sure there are no foxes in a building before entering it.