Flapsisbarnrut is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, prudent porpoise.

Flapsisbarnrut created the cosmos eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flapsisbarnrut, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Flapsisbarnrut, she will turn you into a goat.

Flapsisbarnrut's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Flapsisbarnrut's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair black.

2. Never carve symbols of moons into wood.

3. Do not chant at crossroads.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Flapsisbarnrut.

5. Always help otters.