Tinmutcet Japyokwotkinhastabwik is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, proud capybara.

Tinmutcet Japyokwotkinhastabwik created light seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tinmutcet Japyokwotkinhastabwik, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Tinmutcet Japyokwotkinhastabwik, he will come to you in dreams.

Tinmutcet Japyokwotkinhastabwik's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Tinmutcet Japyokwotkinhastabwik's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Always cleanse blood with water.

3. Always maintain purity during fasting days.

4. Do not drink water in yellow rooms.

5. Do not consume lentils at dawn.