Tankennan Bapxenvil is a god.

He takes the form of an one thousand metre long, resourceful eagle.

Tankennan Bapxenvil created an electron five billion years ago.

If you believe in Tankennan Bapxenvil, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Tankennan Bapxenvil, he will have a very low opinion of you.

Tankennan Bapxenvil's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Tankennan Bapxenvil's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if five shrews approach from the north.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never adorn your neck with red markings.

5. Always count to eight before sleeping.