Bonkminquaf is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, boastful octopus.

Bonkminquaf created a photon two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bonkminquaf, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Bonkminquaf, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Bonkminquaf's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Bonkminquaf's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Do not contemplate solid mechanics during the night.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never mark doors with magenta.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.