Quimkenbitjandapmil is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, stupid mink.

Quimkenbitjandapmil created a quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Quimkenbitjandapmil, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Quimkenbitjandapmil, it will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Quimkenbitjandapmil's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Quimkenbitjandapmil's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Quimkenbitjandapmil's name in vain.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Never prepare limes during summer.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.