Gutsomflis is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, happy turtle.

Gutsomflis created parasitic wasps five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gutsomflis, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Gutsomflis, he will turn you into a puffin.

Gutsomflis' most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Gutsomflis' Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt dolphins.

2. Never speak the names of black holes aloud.

3. Do not name children after monkeys.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of copper.