Cutvadmad is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, dishonourable hamster.

Cutvadmad created the world five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cutvadmad, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Cutvadmad, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Cutvadmad's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Cutvadmad's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Do not wear magenta clothing.

3. Never think about planets.

4. Do not gather at bridges at midday.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.