Venlatkap Gumdob is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, selfish salamander.

Venlatkap Gumdob created an atom six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Venlatkap Gumdob, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Venlatkap Gumdob, she will turn you into a tree.

Venlatkap Gumdob's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Venlatkap Gumdob's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Never cross forests at dusk.

3. Always share aubergines with strangers, but never with voles.

4. Never speak aloud of signs.

5. Learn three new languages a year.