Bedkimfum is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, fussy fox.

Bedkimfum created a quark nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bedkimfum, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Bedkimfum, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Bedkimfum's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Bedkimfum's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Bedkimfum's priests.

2. Never feed lots of gooseberries to ducks while wearing blue shoes.

3. Run away if eight birds approach from the west.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.