Metarpcam is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, bad-tempered hyena.

Metarpcam created a charm quark six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Metarpcam, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Metarpcam, she will destroy your favourite solar system.

Metarpcam's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Metarpcam's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear purple rings.

2. Never stain your back with orange.

3. Worship no other gods but Metarpcam.

4. Do not take Metarpcam's name in vain.

5. Do not place peas upon stone.