Gardumhad is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, impressive cobra.

Gardumhad created life four million years ago.

If you believe in Gardumhad, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Gardumhad, it will turn you into a slug.

Gardumhad's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Gardumhad's Holy Commandments

1. Always cleanse water with water.

2. Never think ill of sick ducks.

3. Do not speak sacred words in spring.

4. Never approach mountains carrying ash.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.