Gatarnbop Hitbot is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, unthoughtful grasshopper.

Gatarnbop Hitbot created viruses five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gatarnbop Hitbot, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Gatarnbop Hitbot, it will attempt to scare you with hail.

Gatarnbop Hitbot's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Gatarnbop Hitbot's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick pigs.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Do not travel during summer.

5. You must never eat cherries.