Tofvinnur is a god.

He takes the form of a large, self-assured hydra.

Tofvinnur created the planet Mars nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tofvinnur, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Tofvinnur, he will make you grow a tail.

Tofvinnur's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Tofvinnur's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Tofvinnur's name in vain.

2. Never think about thermodynamics near capybaras while wearing mauve hats and balancing three aluminium spheres on your hands.

3. Mice are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Never think about dwarf planets.